June 2020 is the Female Wave of Change Story telling month: Stories matter and we want you to share yours! Today Yvonne Busisiwe Kgame, member of the Female Wave of Change Circle of Wise Women, shares with you her story
“A young girl sat under the tree with her Grandmother. The old woman loved to sit under this tree and listen to the Radio. “Gran, what does it mean that children are a blessing from God?” the young girl asked as she sat next to the old wise woman. Her Grandmother smiled. She turned and looked at her beautiful Granddaughter. “It means that children are a special gift, whose lives are already marked and planned before their arrival on earth.”
The little girl frowned. She looked up in the sky as if trying to see children fall down. She turned once again and looked at her Grandmother, what if I want to make my life different? What if I wanted to do something that is not like what was planned before my arrival on earth? Her Grandmother held her little hand and looked her in the eye. She started telling her a story she would never forget.
For a while I was sure that the only word that mattered to her was my word
“When your mother was born, I was very happy. I was happy that I too could hold a baby in my hands. I used to look right into her eyes when she suckled. I was sure that she would do everything I wanted her to do, be the person I wanted her to be and more. I did everything to make sure that she took my teachings, my warning and my advice. For a while I was sure that the only word that mattered to her was my word.
She grew up, looked prettier and lovelier. I kept looking at her thinking; indeed, this child is a blessing. She made me laugh from the bottom of my heart. This was a kind of love I never knew I had. My house became a comforting, special place to be in. Whenever I came home, I looked for her and she came with open arms, open smile and kissed me.
It became clear that she now heard other voices
She grew up and started locking herself away. I wanted her to speak to me, but she didn’t. It became clear that she now heard other voices, her attention, love and her smile that used to brighten my days were no longer reserved just for me.
Nonetheless, I continued hoping and wishing that my blessing, my daughter would return her affections and cares to me; after all, she was my blessing. She grew older, and suddenly I became the enemy. I was the one standing in the way of her happiness. I did not understand her, she said. She hardly spoke to me at this point.
She insisted on doing what she wanted
I wanted to know what was going on in her life. I wanted to know who her friends were; I wanted to know a whole lot more. I wanted to know how my blessing was blessing others. She completely removed herself from me. I realized that all that I had hoped for her was not to be realized as she insisted on doing what she wanted. I sat her down, tried to explain that she was a blessing, a special being who needed to tread very carefully as this world can destroy precious blessings like her, especially when these blessings land themselves in the wrong hands. She did not understand.
She grew much older. I realized I no longer had any form of control, or even influence over this blessing of mine. She made mistakes along the way. Her way led her into places I had never imagined, places I never wished she knew.
It tore my heart. I felt like my blessing had turned into a curse. Every night I cried for her. I prayed for her. One day she came back home, with you. Another blessing. My blessing brought me a blessing! I was reminded that she was a blessing to me.
The situation that felt so bad, unbearable, resulted in me knowing myself better
While she was away, praying for her and worrying about her taught me things I had not known about myself. The situation that felt so bad, unbearable, resulted in me knowing myself better. I learned that even though she was my child, I could not dictate what journey she should take in life. I had a better understanding of what a blessing is. So yes. You can choose to do something else, but how do you know what you are doing is not in fact what was planned for you anyway? The little girl smiled. “So, I am a blessing? Whatever I do will result in great lessons and more blessings?” Her Grandmother smiled back.
“As long as you always remember the way back home, no matter how far you go. Never forget your way back home.”
Moral of the story: Never throw away your blessings because they give you challenges; the challenges are there to stretch you and help shape you into a better and wiser person.
Mom Yvonne Busisiwe Kgame gave Female Wave of Change permission to share her story